35 weeks along and barely hanging on.

When you think about pregnancy and getting pregnant, everyone jumps on the bandwagon to tell you how labor and delivery can be painful and a total nightmare. That is what you are being taught and those are the facts that run through your mind throughout your pregnancy. When my pregnancy began, I felt so unprepared and scared and when I hit 21 weeks, that’s when everything turned upside down. It happened the day after Christmas, I had abdominal pain and I really was not sure about what was going on. In my mind, I had eaten something bad on Christmas and I was having trouble digesting whatever it was. Heck, I had already issues with heartburn and indigestion, you know the really fancy stuff that comes with pregnancy. It continued during the whole day and I was still feeling icky when I had to return to work the next day.

During work I started feeling worse and I knew something was wrong and I just had to go to the hospital. I went in the emergency room for abdominal pain. After my ultrasound, I was admitted in a room and the doctor came in to tell me that he was diagnosing me with an incompetent cervix and I was very close of losing my baby. THE FEAR!!!! I felt like the floor was taken from underneath me, I didn’t even know what to think. I cried. What else can you do when you’ve been waiting for something your whole life and it was all going to be taken away from you in a second. This life inside of you could be extinguished forever. I waited for the high risk doctor to come see me and when he arrived, he did not sugar coat a thing which strangely made me feel better. He gave me choices. To not do anything and hope for the best (only a person with the greatest trust in God and the universe would pick this one), to start on medication to help
stop contractions and be put on bed rest (this one was a little better than the first), or to have a cerclage put in and then be put on bed rest with medication to stop contractions. See what a cerclage in here from the American Pregnancy Association Now, the last option was obviously the better one but it had its own risks. Because the amniotic sac is so close to the cervix, there was a minimal chance that the sac could be ruptured which would initiate labor and I would lose the baby.

These are the things that you are not educated on, nobody tells you about these risks and you’re just left thinking that you are going to have a great pregnancy with morning sickness in the beginning, a glow that will make you sparkle for days, and be in great pain while in labor. That’s the magic pregnancy formula which results in a brand new, healthy baby as the product. How was I supposed to make a decision that could potentially be a life or death situation. To all the mommies going through a situation like this, I just want to say to trust your mommy gut. It is scary as hell to go to the emergency room for something you think is minor and to be told that your baby might not make it. I chose the cerclage and it changed my life. I am now 35 weeks along and the baby is no longer in danger but for many, things does not happen the way it should. Sometimes, it is just too late.

In exactly 12 days, I get my cerclage removed. The baby is out of danger but I’m still scared. This cerclage was not the only negative thing that happened during this pregnancy that made it very difficult. I’ve been going through divorce, I lost my good paying job, and I lost my home and these are the things that I want to talk about in this blog so I hope that you will join me as I go through the rest of this pregnancy and the rest of this crazy life and move along into mommy hood for the first time.